August 18th, 2023

The girls and I enjoyed some time in South Carolina, at the beginning of the summer.  It's becoming a tradition and it is a refreshing one.  We are walking testimonies that even in the midst of difficulty, it is possible to bear good fruit.  Grace, peace, love, kindness, strength, wisdom and discernment...all of those things continue to sprout and multiply.  If you're in a season of burying, I encourage you to allow the seed to sink deep into the soil.  Don't let the cares of the world choke out the growth that God desires to develop in and through you.  You really don't have to look like what you've been through!  
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"Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." John 10:24

A few months ago, I sat down to write, after a very long time of having nothing to say except the events of the day.  It flowed like a river.  I hope it encourages you like it did me.

I am often overwhelmed by this place I'm in- the tension of the waiting- knowing there's more ahead without really knowing what it is- things I know are still in a dormant place.  The answer to prayers prayed for years but not yet manifest.  Tension in waiting.  The absence of conflict.  The tension of waiting.  Finances at a standstill.  Bills mounting and bank account empty.  Car holding on at 230k miles. The tension between lack and abundance.  Family, love, ministry, finances- all in dissonance.  The tension between what is and what is to come...The waiting.

I am often overwhelmed by the waiting.  All of the hope and expectation inside and then the reality of the current circumstances that block the manifestation of the hope that I have.  The mountain between what is in my spirit and what is in my life.  The tension of walking by faith and not by sight.  Many give up here in this tension.  Many sink into the mud of hopelessness. Throw their arms up and retreat.  Back to old ways, yesterdays. Blankets, bed, depression.  The comfort of distractions. The temptation of sumptuous sin.  Because the waiting...

The waiting is tense.  The unknown, unseen but somehow expected.  The waiting is weighed down by all that is unseen, unfixed, misUNDERstood.  The waiting is a trip up a mountain with no ram in tow.  The waiting is wilderness manna.  Provision but not what the hope inside says is ahead.  Dissonance without disappointment.  The tension...of waiting.  The tension of sensing inside but not seeing.  The tension of the struggles that require always climbing over obstacles in an effort to succeed...achieve...arrive...only to find another one waiting on the other side...so I strive.  The tension of learning to rest in between with no security to sit in.  The tension of waiting but still believing.  Never giving up.  The tension that develops strength and endurance that must be needed for what is ahead.  Here's hope...again.

Hope that the tension is not in vain.  That the strength is not simply for another struggle but the calling.  The purpose. The vision.  I pause today and ponder the resting place.  What it looks like to rest between obstacles- to embrace the place of tension.  To understand that I can't control any of the tension.  I can't end it so I must surrender without sinking.  Stand on the mud without getting stuck.  Find higher ground.  Another step, another stretch...upward.

Father, help me in the tension of waiting.  Teach me how to wait...and worship.  Help me to wait in the tension with peace...security in your support.  Knowing that those who hope in the Lord will not be disappointed.  

Holding.

Waiting and still hoping.  Looking ahead and not behind.  Promises unfulfilled by a faithful God.  The weight of the past but the hope for the future.  The old thing and the new things.  Trying to forget.  Trying to imagine.  In this world but not of this world.  Here but not home. Well-doing but not due season.  Meant for evil but used for good.  All of it...tension.  But hope.  But help.  But healing.  None of these things possible but by the power of the all-powerful, all-knowing, all-seeing God.  Only He can offer an easy yoke, a light burden in the waiting.  Only He can lay this heavy purpose on me and yet cause me to run and not grow weary.  Walk but don't faint.  Build an ark.  Praise in chains.  Sleep in storms.  Supernatural solace in the midst of chaotic contradictions.  Peace that passes understanding.  Tears, weariness, worry but still hope.  Because the tension of waiting develops roots, strengthens callings and builds a shelter for those yet to come.  

The tension is not the end.

Hope.  Hope not in the tension but in the One Who holds the new beginning in His hand and does not withhold from His children.  The dissonance won't lead me to disaster but to destiny.  Because God is good.  He delights in me.  He desires me. He loves me.  I am the apple of His eye.  Valued.  Royal.  A heir to Him.  I live, move and have my being in Him and He is all victory, all strength, all conquering.  He doesn't sink, sleep or slumber.  He reigns.  And I reign with Him.  So give me eyes to see past the tension, above the wait.  Soar.  See.  Stretch.  Strengthen.  

My story is not linear.  It is eternal.  Not my will- Your will be done.  Your Kingdom come.  In the waiting.  The temporary place.  Time is not my timetable, eternity is.  Hope.  Higher.  Heavenward.  Home.  My focus moves higher- upward- my Help- the hills- my high tower- within reach.  Always within reach.  Comes to me in the tension and there I hide in His shadow- even in the waiting.  This one thing I attain- even in the wait because if I cannot make it to Him, He is still ever present.  Right here with me in the place of tension.  Not egging me on or dangling the unreachable carrot ahead.  He is holding.  Keeping.  Comforting.  The Almighty God.  Everlasting Father.  Stepping with me, holding me up, supporting me, keeping me from falling.  In the wait, I'm almost there, He tells me.  And there- He is too.  

Before me, above me, below me, behind me.  Always faithful.  Always fruitful.  Always.  Always true.  Always strong.  Always able.  Always creating.  Giving life even in death.  He is life.  Even in the waiting.  He is peace.  He is victory.  Even in the in between.  Even in tension, He remains immovable.  The beginning and the end. 

The waiting is just a place in the middle of Him- the all-encompassing God.  The tension is surrounded, settled in Him.  Nestled in His sovereignty.  Held in His hand, not outisde of it.  I can't sink when He holds me.  I cant' fall through His fingers because He doesn't fail.  I'm safe.  I'm settled even when I'm here.  Tension in waiting.  Yes, but my position is not insecure.  It is immovable.  Perspective.  The threat is perceived but not predestined.  Hard pressed but not crushed.  Perplexed but not in despair.  Persecuted not abandoned.  Struck down, but not destroyed.  Held by God.  Secure.  Stable.  Circumstances.  Same God.  Same Hand.  Always with me. 

Safe in the waiting.